Dear Diary, I Met Rock Bottom & He's Actually Pretty Cool (Except for the Finances)

Why Rock Bottom Was the Fuel I Needed

Photo by Glenn Carstens-Peters on Unsplash

We never hope that one day we hit rock bottom.

Instead we wish for life changing events like winning the lottery, a brilliant business idea coming to us in our dream, or going out on a Friday night and randomly meeting our future spouse. Those are more fun and exciting.

Not rock bottom. Not feeling defeated.

Someone can look like they have it all in life, but still hit rock bottom on the inside. We see it in the news all the time.

Hitting rock bottom was not on my bingo card for 2023.

I’m thankful my definition of rock bottom isn’t as bad as how others have it. I know it can be much worse and I’m thankful it’s not. Still it’s a terrible feeling that has caused me to do a lot of soul searching.

My rock bottom was the culmination of doing nothing for years about goals I had only in my mind, but never pursued. Fear and doubt has stopped me every time.

Two years ago I wrote in my journal the desire to create content online.

One year ago my hope was that in 2023 I’d start a side hustle online while I had my full time job.

Last year I didn’t do anything to even make progress in either of those areas. Two years wasted. No progress made. Remained the same person.

What did happen is I got laid off from my job and left with no backup plan.

I’m disappointed in myself for not making any progress on goals I’ve had on my mind.

But rock bottom gave me a much needed wake up call.

I have found some positive things about it. I’ve found ways to be thankful for it.

Author J.K. Rowling mentioned her rock bottom in her Harvard commencement address. The last paragraph below is what is most commonly shared, but I wanted to include what she said before that as well because it’s important too.

“Ultimately, we all have to decide for ourselves what constitutes failure, but the world is quite eager to give you a set of criteria if you let it. So I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears that my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.

Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea then how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.

So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.”

I’m still okay

I thought if this is my low then I’m still okay. In the days after getting the disappointing decision, I began to feel the most motivated I have been in years.

Instead of making 2024 a huge pity party, I want to make it my comeback story.

I still have everything I needed. I still have a place to sleep, my health, and important people in my life.

Instead of beating myself up and complaining, I still have a lot to be thankful for.

It helped me reconnect with an old friend

Rock bottom made me think about what I really wanted in life. It made me think about what will bring fulfillment and joy.

Making money is important. We all need to find a way to make money to meet our needs. I’ve got some money saved but ideally I’d like to find ways to make money each month. Freelancing, contracting, a job that’s interesting to me, or winning the lottery. I’m open to anything.

But if money was the most important thing to me, I’d take any job I could but my heart would not be in it. I’d be doing it only for the paycheck.

I didn’t want to do that right now.

Even if I did get that full time job I mentioned, my goal was to still spend time writing. I wouldn’t make the same mistake waiting for the right time to start.

Since I don’t exactly have a clear picture of what I want to do, I figured I’ll do something I’ve been wanting to do for many years.

Writing is like an old friend that I’ve lost contact with, but never forgot about.

The mistake I’ve made is waiting for that perfect idea to come to me. But I now know that perfect ideas don’t come when I’m idle.

As I start down this path, I’m going to keep my eyes open for opportunities. It might come from writing or it might come from a way that I could not have imagined. But I’ll only find out if I’m playing in the game and not sitting on the bench.

Writing will make me a better thinker. Writing well is an important skill. I hope that what I write will help people.

I’ve wanted to start writing again for years. Nothing gave me a strong enough reason why to do it before. I knew I wanted to do it, but nothing pushed me forward to actually start again.

Hitting rock bottom made me revisit writing, and for that I am thankful.

Nothing to lose

Rock bottom made me realize that I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

If I continued on the same path with the same mindset, beliefs, and habits, then in a year from now I can accurately predict where I’ll be. I’ll be the same exact person complaining about the same exact things. I’ll write in my 2024 year in review that I didn’t do enough. I’ll be writing the same hopes and dreams for 2025.

I’d feel much worse because another year would have passed and made no progress in my life.

Anything different that I do will cause me to have different results.

So I have a lot of upside by writing more in 2024.

What’s the worst that’ll happen?

Am I going to die doing this? No. Am I going to go bankrupt? No.

Okay if that’s the worst case, then I can look at the best-case scenario. I spend a full year writing.

I spend a full year focused on how to be more productive, focused, creative, organized, and happier.

Who knows what doors will open for me on this path. I’ll only find out by making a choice and doing it. So much can be achieved in only a year.

I know I get excited by ideas. Plus I know it’s the start of a new year which makes the excitement even higher.

What will I do when I feel like giving up? I know it’ll happen. That’s why I wrote a letter to myself.

I’ve reminded myself of that night. What I was feeling. How I have to turn this moment into something good. Something better for me. Something where I’m in control and doing something I enjoy.

But if I didn’t hit rock bottom, I don’t think I’d have this determination inside of me that I do now. I’m sure I’d still be sleepwalking through life. I’d be wishing and hoping to know what I wanted to do online.

This experience woke me up in a huge way and I’m thankful for that.

Have you experience rock bottom but something better came out of it? Please share in comments. I’d love to hear your story.