The End of 2023 Was Rough

Things can only go up from here. Right?

Photo by Trym Nilsen on Unsplash

I was sitting on a sofa with all the lights off except for a small light in the room. A couple hours earlier I got news that made me sink to a new all-time low.

It wasn’t the only bad news I got in the last two months, but it was the worst.

At the beginning of October, I got laid off along with half of the company. I was blindsided. We were told not long ago that there would be no layoffs this year despite tough market conditions. That felt comforting to hear.

However, here I was being laid off for the first time in my life. But that wasn’t as bad as the news I got two months later.

We were given a two-month severance package which helped but I knew that I needed to have something lined up. Like most people, I have bills including a mortgage.

I didn’t know what to do next. I didn’t want a job in the same field doing the same thing. I have a Shopify store but it wasn’t making enough anymore to be full-time.

That’s why I was so thankful I got this job in June 2022.

A glimmer of hope came that same week after the bad news. Was it my lucky break? It was a possible opportunity for a full-time job in a different field excited me. I was contacted about it so it was a surprise.

For the next two months, I had a few calls talking about the position. There was enthusiasm from both sides about this. The plan was that I’d start at the beginning of December.

My severance ended at the end of November, so starting December would mean a smooth transition. My bills could be paid. I didn’t have to worry about that. That was a huge relief. I’d be doing something in an area better suited to my interests and skills than my old job.

I thought to myself I’m so lucky. This was an opportunity I wasn’t looking for. I would not have thought about it, but someone had me in mind for this position.

So for most of October and all of November, I wasn’t stressed about finding a way to make money. Instead, I was preparing for this new opportunity.

As December got closer, the last step was getting an offer and agreeing on it.

I kept checking my email daily on our last call after Thanksgiving.

Finally, one night, while my wife and I were almost done with dinner, I checked my email. I saw the email and quickly scanned it looking for good news.

I would say it felt like a punch in the gut, but that would have been less painful than what I read.

What I read there was a change in plans. Now the position now would be filled by an agency and I wasn’t needed anymore.

It left me speechless and sick to my stomach.

What did I do wrong? Was it something I said? How could this have changed so suddenly?

An hour later, I sat there on the couch and let whatever emotions came up. Anger, sadness, rejection.

First I got laid off and then this. Honestly, this felt way worse than being laid off.

I’ve never felt so high and then so low so quickly.

My wife was being as supportive as she could, but the rest of the night I felt empty.

The next day, I felt a little better. At least I didn’t feel worse.

Of course, I couldn’t 100% erase what happened. When it popped into my head, it angered me. It was not easy to ignore. One negative thought quickly spiraled.

It was not easy at all. Even now writing about it again brings me back to that night. The pain isn’t as strong, but the memories are still there.

But I knew that being angry all day every day wasn’t the answer. The decision had been made and I had to figure out what was next.

When I got hired for my last job, it came at a time in my life when I desperately needed it. The opportunity found me and I was so thankful for that.

But all of this year, the work was affecting me mentally. Often I felt like I worked in customer support answering phone calls where people would complain that something they bought wasn’t working.

That’s why I wasn’t devastated when I got laid off. Shocked for sure, but there was a sense of relief almost that I was freed from all the negativity going on.

As the days and weeks passed, I thought about what to do. I need to make money.

No jobs sounded interesting to me. The ones that did that required skills for the past 3-5 years that I didn’t have.

I thought about how I felt that night. I thought about how I didn’t want to feel that way anymore.

So while 2023 ended poorly for me, my goal is to make it into something positive.